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Embarrassed , Regardless, My Sis Is + Decade More Than Mei Have To Use Such Twisted Wording To Avoid Word-filtering Hentai AI Porn
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Day 59: I stayed up till late due to a mixture of too many energy drinks and lower abdominal,
that was caused by good old masturbation,
turns out that when the bladder is full the best way to stop yourself from peeing yourself is masturbation,
there was something about a natural urge to fuck when a bladder is full,
because after ejaculation the pee is released to clean the shaft of the penis,
so that sperm doesn't stay there for too long to cause some additional infection,
I did have that issue many ye-r5 back,
and it's not a pleasant process,
dunno about preejaculate,
if it has the same properties as sperm in terms of increasing infection risk,
but because I had to pee and I couldn't,
I jacked off,
causing lower abdominal muscles to cramp even if I didn't ejaculate,
that lower abdominal is common,
but it's a to deal with and it does create a whole lot of dis-o-fort,
regardless,
I did stay up till late and I had to think about this and that,
and I realized why my sis treats me like her personal,
it's because of the family we were brought up,
my sis is 0.2+ decade more than meI have to use such twisted wording to avoid word-filtering,
our father isn't a nice man,
he's not a good man,
it may be easy to blame him for all the faults,
but lets say that we were his punching bags from the beginning,
because he had a misdiagnosed stone in his gallbladder,
an issue that was keeping him eating bags of p4inki113rs for decades,
we only know about it because he was hours away from biting the dirt because the gallbladder burst,
that's not an exaggeration,
I remember that day,
and the funny thing,
if someone is using someone else as a punching bag,
they seek someone weaker than them to use as their own punching bag,
and here comes my oldest sis,
that used me and my other sis as her personal punching bag,
our parents learned about it recently,
they had no idea,
well,
back to the puping,
mistakes were made,
but there was never any recognition,
514v3ry work was called "taking care of the family",
having no time to educate myself was called 'necessity',
having no friends and avoiding people was called "preventing being harmed by others",
my father always worked alone,
and he blamed other people for that,
not his bursts of anger or himself being double-faced,
treating other people as tools for his own ends,
disregarding if other people lost more than gained during that process,
his attitude towards his own family was exactly the same,
I don't know how many times my own mot--r was shedding because of how she was treated by her own husband,
one of my earliest memories is of her puffy eyes,
not long ago I've learned that my own father was thinking that we were not his own offspring,
he thought that before I could walk,
he is the exact same person that a ago cried to my mot--r not to leave him,
the same way he cried when I myself was 20 and got pissed at him to such a degree that I was about to walk 20 miles and leave him alone with a very serious issue,
he's also the same guy that told me more than 500 timesI didn't count,
but he said that in relation to / during one action,
and that action happened in a cyclical / regular time intervalsthat the most I could do in life is end up as a street sweeper / cleaner,
so that's how my sis learned how to treat other people,
and how I ended up as her personal,
I also had a bright thought that Christianity is internally contradictory,
every neighbor tells me that I should be a good uncle and take care of both my sis and her offspring,
while the father doesn't even pay his court ordered offspring support,
while if I both have to support my sis and her offspring,
that denies free will guaranteed by Christianity,
I live in a very Christian area,
even our parents go to church every Sunday,
I know it's a long entry,
but I had to shed some light on the whole situation,
because of all of this I have invested very long time in spirituality,
as means of coping with all the issuesthe dread of eternal damnation of my soul prevented me from self-deletion many times,
so it wasn't a complete waste,
when it didn't work as expected"the secret" and LOA are BS,
I turned to psychology and self-CBT,
cognitive behavioral therapy,
and that one started to provide some results,
but those mental marks I carry molded me,
twisted and shaped into a nice guy peace of dung,
which goes out of his way to keep the smile on and try to comfort others more than myself,
even knowing this I still make the same mistakes,
I even had to leave my previous job to be able to take care of my sis during her pregnancy,
it was enough for me to go buy her stuff to eat to end up 8 hours at her place comforting her,
saying it'll be all good and giving her tissues to wipe her moist eyes... a nice guy that ends up at the bottom in a "eat or be eaten" world,
"homo homini lupus est",
a man is a v01f to another man,
"world is a vampire" by Smashing Pumpkins,
I just dunno anymore how to...
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